Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Week after Surgery
I started walking outside. I still loved showers, and within a few days stopped the pain pills and switched to over the counter drugs. It is amazing how much a Mother does and how many people have to help when Mother is down. I was so grateful for everyone and all the help I got.
2-19-16
More of the same. More walking, more learning, more getting stronger. And soon.... I got released to go home! Home was different, but wonderful. I loved being home. I had my husband and my oldest daughter with me. We kept the kids away for the weekend. I walked inside the house and started to track my fitbit steps. We had to get my prescriptions from the pharmacy. One weird thing is I had a 600 written on each breast. In the mirror it read Poo. For days it read Poo. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and we scrubbed it off. Showers were hard, but my favorite thing ever during this whole surgery. Got some feeling back in my hand, but not much. As I was leaving my good friend was having the same surgery I was. I went in to get a mammogram because of her results and found myself in the same boat.
2-18-16
Today was much better. I walked lots, I saw the doctors and learned that I had a bunch of lymphnodes taken out and only one had cancer. That was good... but bad because that meant chemo. My chest didn't look bad at all. I still had breasts of some kind there and I was pleased with them. I didn't like the drains or IV. I couldn't move to scratch my chin. That was weird. They encouraged me to get on pills. I wanted out of the hospital, so I did it. My kids came to visit today. It was great to see them. I missed them. Rob also went and bought a chair that would move electrically. I realized that it would be hard to get in and out of a chair without it. Talked to the doctor about my numb hand. She mentioned that the xray showed a torn rotary cuff. That might be why it was numb, or because they took lots of nodes out. She also let me know that I was Stage 2 B.
Surgery Day 2-17-16
Today I woke up, showered, cleaned the house, and waited until it was time to go to the hospital. For the last two weeks anytime I got a chance I cleaned my house and tried to organize. I packed my kids up to go to the Aunts houses for later in the week. I got all their school clothes ready. I wrote each child a not for each day that I would be gone. Hopefully they would know how much I love them. I also gave each child my love through a gift. Each got a heart necklace or tie tack and a teddy bear.
When getting to the hospital I was surprised to see my mom talking to someone in my ward. Her husband was also having surgery today! It wasn't long before I went and got started getting ready for surgery. I got dressed, got my chest drew on, made sure I wasn't pregnant, etc. I was a thrilling time. Then we waited.
They took me and I remember nothing. I don't remember anything until I was in the room that I would spend the night in and even that is hit and miss. I really don't remember much of the whole day. I remember my mom kissing my forehead, my daughter coming and giving me Deep Blue for my back. That's about it. I do remember wanting to get up and finding I couldn't even walk to the bathroom with out being sick to my tummy. The weirdest thing was that my right hand was completely numb. No feeling at all.
When getting to the hospital I was surprised to see my mom talking to someone in my ward. Her husband was also having surgery today! It wasn't long before I went and got started getting ready for surgery. I got dressed, got my chest drew on, made sure I wasn't pregnant, etc. I was a thrilling time. Then we waited.
They took me and I remember nothing. I don't remember anything until I was in the room that I would spend the night in and even that is hit and miss. I really don't remember much of the whole day. I remember my mom kissing my forehead, my daughter coming and giving me Deep Blue for my back. That's about it. I do remember wanting to get up and finding I couldn't even walk to the bathroom with out being sick to my tummy. The weirdest thing was that my right hand was completely numb. No feeling at all.
2-15-16/2-16-16
Monday I had an ultra sound of both breasts. They were looking for more cancer. They found a cyst, but that is normal and so I am all cleared for surgery.
Tuesday I had all my pre surgery stuff. EKG, X-ray, and Blood Work! This is getting more and more real!
Tuesday I had all my pre surgery stuff. EKG, X-ray, and Blood Work! This is getting more and more real!
Sunday, March 6, 2016
2-11-16 more doctors
Dr. Mark Jensen: The plastic surgeon we went with this morning. It was weird. Very weird. He was super nice, but it was weird getting before pictures taken of chest. He was very up beat and he assured me that everything will look beautiful when I was done. I was told it would take 2-3 surgeries to get me fake breasts, depending on what I wanted. I could have nipples, I could have a tattoo, I would never have to wear a bra again. Lots of information, but in this day and age it all sounded good. Because of my age it was recommended that I get Reconstruction instead of just getting them taken off. He would work on me during the first surgery with Tittensore. They would each take a side and I would wake up with breasts. Just smaller and different. They would put expanders in and when healed I would get more air put in until they were the right size.
Next was Dr. Bott my Oncologist. He was the same oncologist my parents have had. The biggest problem at his office was taking blood. I have the worst veins ever and so that was an experience. Once again lots of information. It was depressing seeing all the sick people in the waiting room. I didn't want to be this person. I am healthy and I am not this person. Crazy!
Next was Dr. Bott my Oncologist. He was the same oncologist my parents have had. The biggest problem at his office was taking blood. I have the worst veins ever and so that was an experience. Once again lots of information. It was depressing seeing all the sick people in the waiting room. I didn't want to be this person. I am healthy and I am not this person. Crazy!
Surgeon: Doctor Tittensore 2-9-16
The next day I visited my surgeon. Dr. Tittensore. Yes that is her name and she only does breast surgery. We have had a good laugh about it. She scheduled surgery for the next week. She went through everything and told me all the stats on everything. My choices were:
1. Lumpectomy
Positives: You still have breasts. Maybe won't need Chemo
Negatives: Automatic Radiation, if they find cancer you will need to get breast removed, Mammograms, Being scared.
2. Take off the Breast with the cancer
Positives: No Mammogram in this breast, no cancer in this breast, new breasts, no being scared, better chance of not getting radiation.
Negatives: Yucky fake boob. Not looking symmetrical, no breast
3. Take off both Breasts
Positives: No Mammograms ever, no cancer will ever be found in either breast, new breasts, no being scared, better chance of not getting radiation. Better chance of living and not getting cancer back.
Negatives: No real breasts.
At this time it was believed that I was Stage 1. I was told to think about it and I could let them know in a few days. I told them I would make my decision in the morning. So we came home and I went to the temple. After much prayer and thinking in the temple (I was one of the last ones out) Rob and I made a plan. I was given lots of different options and plans and if you do this, then we will do this- choices. It was so confusing and so frustrating. I was so overwhelmed. So finally I went to the temple (by myself-Rob was sick). I had a long wait in initiatory. At first I wanted a private place to cry and be overwhelmed. I didn’t want to sit by the other ladies and have them see my pain in my face. As I sat there I started pleading with Heavenly Father to tell me what to do. After about 10 minutes of getting no where, I realized I needed to make a decision first and then come to him. I thought about all my options and it boiled down to that I want the best chance for a long happy life with my family. That meant removing both breasts. So I prayed about that. Within minutes I felt the calm and peace that I have been seeking. I knew that was the path to take. So here was the plan: On Feb. 19th surgery. I will stay in the hospital for two days. It will be a 6-8 week recovery. Hopefully even if I can only walk down to the stop sign, I will be able to do my walking faster than that. Walking is my therapy! I will be getting genetic testing this week to see if this will affect my sisters and daughter. I will get a sonogram of both sides to see if there is anymore cancer. I will be doing reconstructive surgery at the time as well. That will require another surgery in the future.
1. Lumpectomy
Positives: You still have breasts. Maybe won't need Chemo
Negatives: Automatic Radiation, if they find cancer you will need to get breast removed, Mammograms, Being scared.
2. Take off the Breast with the cancer
Positives: No Mammogram in this breast, no cancer in this breast, new breasts, no being scared, better chance of not getting radiation.
Negatives: Yucky fake boob. Not looking symmetrical, no breast
3. Take off both Breasts
Positives: No Mammograms ever, no cancer will ever be found in either breast, new breasts, no being scared, better chance of not getting radiation. Better chance of living and not getting cancer back.
Negatives: No real breasts.
At this time it was believed that I was Stage 1. I was told to think about it and I could let them know in a few days. I told them I would make my decision in the morning. So we came home and I went to the temple. After much prayer and thinking in the temple (I was one of the last ones out) Rob and I made a plan. I was given lots of different options and plans and if you do this, then we will do this- choices. It was so confusing and so frustrating. I was so overwhelmed. So finally I went to the temple (by myself-Rob was sick). I had a long wait in initiatory. At first I wanted a private place to cry and be overwhelmed. I didn’t want to sit by the other ladies and have them see my pain in my face. As I sat there I started pleading with Heavenly Father to tell me what to do. After about 10 minutes of getting no where, I realized I needed to make a decision first and then come to him. I thought about all my options and it boiled down to that I want the best chance for a long happy life with my family. That meant removing both breasts. So I prayed about that. Within minutes I felt the calm and peace that I have been seeking. I knew that was the path to take. So here was the plan: On Feb. 19th surgery. I will stay in the hospital for two days. It will be a 6-8 week recovery. Hopefully even if I can only walk down to the stop sign, I will be able to do my walking faster than that. Walking is my therapy! I will be getting genetic testing this week to see if this will affect my sisters and daughter. I will get a sonogram of both sides to see if there is anymore cancer. I will be doing reconstructive surgery at the time as well. That will require another surgery in the future.
The News 2-8-16
It was a long weekend. On Monday I started to change my kitchen. I had bought a new cupboard for my birthday (a little early). It had turquoise in it and I didn't have anything Turquoise. So that day I made new drapes, and purchased a few things that made it look new and exciting and made it blend. I have been spending large amounts of time in the kitchen cooking lately. I had cooked amazing organic food and had lost 35 pounds from diet and exercise, so I needed a new kitchen do.
Monday night I was getting ready to make dinner. We were going to have a squash soup. Mr. P was being naughty so I called my husband home to help me deal with him (I hardly ever do this). Tender Mercy Rob was with me when the phone rang and it was my personal doctor. He said he had news and that he wanted to be the first one to tell me. He was missing his daughters birthday party to stay late and tell me that I did indeed have cancer. He told me we needed to be aggressive because of my age. He said this will be the whole 9 yards: Chemo, Surgery, Radiation. He said that he was sorry, that his wife had also had breast cancer and that he was so sorry I had to do this. He knew how hard I had been trying to lose weight and how healthy I am (over the years I gave up Soda, Salt, Sugar (for the most part), was on a celiac diet, didn't do fast food, and ate organic. I was also walking 5 miles a day in one hour or biking 12 miles in one hour) and knew that I didn't deserve this setback.
He made me decide right then who my doctor would be for surgery. I held it together for most of that phone call. But towards the end, tears started rolling down. I picked my surgeon and my oncologist. I don't know if he knew I was crying or not. I was trying really hard to hold it together. When the phone clicked... I cried. Rob held me as I cried and cried. Miss S knew something was up. The door was locked to our room, but she knew and had heard me crying. We didn't open the door. He just held me while I cried. Soon I asked him to call Miss A home so we could tell them the news. She didn't want to come home. We told her we had the results and that she needed to come home and that it wasn't good.
Within 15 minutes of the doctor's phone call he texted me and let me know that the surgeon would see me at 4 the next day. He had also put out a call for the oncologist that I had selected (my parent's oncologist).
10 Minutes later we were telling the kids. I of course was still crying. I kept crying because I felt so bad that I was turning their life upside down. I felt like I was letting everyone down. We told them and they were all sad and didn't seem to really get it, except the 18 year old. We did talk about losing hair and they were all cute and said they would shave their hair for me. My 18 year old daughter down to my 6 year old all wanted to show they loved me and shave their head. They also volunteered to shave the dog. I of course laughed and told them no. I would be the only one with a bald head in the family. We left them after awhile. I knew I needed to tell someone else... my mom.
As Rob and I drove to my mom's house, I knew she needed more support than I could give her. I also knew that Rob, my Mom, and myself needed blessings. So I called two sisters and told them what had happened and asked them to come quickly to moms with their husbands. Then I told my mom. I knew she would be devastated. Her nightmare had moved to one of her children. I told her and she
was strong. I know she felt horrible, but she took it like a champ. I then called my other two sisters and asked them to come as well. We are lucky we all live about 5 minutes away from my mom's house in all directions. Everyone came at different times into the house. Every time someone came in, we were laughing about something. That is how we deal with things. We laugh. My sister said that we were the only family that would come into a room because your sister has cancer and hear laughter. We talked and we had some blessings and I knew with my family, my mom, and sister's help we could do it! I went home and let my brother and Rob's family know as well what had happened.
He made me decide right then who my doctor would be for surgery. I held it together for most of that phone call. But towards the end, tears started rolling down. I picked my surgeon and my oncologist. I don't know if he knew I was crying or not. I was trying really hard to hold it together. When the phone clicked... I cried. Rob held me as I cried and cried. Miss S knew something was up. The door was locked to our room, but she knew and had heard me crying. We didn't open the door. He just held me while I cried. Soon I asked him to call Miss A home so we could tell them the news. She didn't want to come home. We told her we had the results and that she needed to come home and that it wasn't good.
Within 15 minutes of the doctor's phone call he texted me and let me know that the surgeon would see me at 4 the next day. He had also put out a call for the oncologist that I had selected (my parent's oncologist).
10 Minutes later we were telling the kids. I of course was still crying. I kept crying because I felt so bad that I was turning their life upside down. I felt like I was letting everyone down. We told them and they were all sad and didn't seem to really get it, except the 18 year old. We did talk about losing hair and they were all cute and said they would shave their hair for me. My 18 year old daughter down to my 6 year old all wanted to show they loved me and shave their head. They also volunteered to shave the dog. I of course laughed and told them no. I would be the only one with a bald head in the family. We left them after awhile. I knew I needed to tell someone else... my mom.
As Rob and I drove to my mom's house, I knew she needed more support than I could give her. I also knew that Rob, my Mom, and myself needed blessings. So I called two sisters and told them what had happened and asked them to come quickly to moms with their husbands. Then I told my mom. I knew she would be devastated. Her nightmare had moved to one of her children. I told her and she
was strong. I know she felt horrible, but she took it like a champ. I then called my other two sisters and asked them to come as well. We are lucky we all live about 5 minutes away from my mom's house in all directions. Everyone came at different times into the house. Every time someone came in, we were laughing about something. That is how we deal with things. We laugh. My sister said that we were the only family that would come into a room because your sister has cancer and hear laughter. We talked and we had some blessings and I knew with my family, my mom, and sister's help we could do it! I went home and let my brother and Rob's family know as well what had happened.
This picture was taken in November 2015!
We knew this was the start of a very long road. Rob wanted us to start the journey right. So after all the crying.... we went to Tepanyaki's and had dinner!
When I look at these pictures, I can't believe that this person has cancer. Other than poofy eyes.. I think I look pretty good. My fortune cookie was about sliding down a banister and being careful not to get slivers sliding down. I laughed at the irony! I now had a bottom full of slivers!
The Day My World Turned Upside Down 2-5-16
After having two friends diagnosed with Breast Cancer I finally set up my appointment and went and got a Mammogram. I set the appointment up on Wednesday for Friday. Friday was a very snowy day. All winter long I have been taking care of my Mom's snow. So I went before my appointment and did her driveway and walks. I then met Rob for my appointment.
I wanted Rob to come (I am pretty sure I knew something was wrong, even though I didn't) It didn't take long to get in my pink gown and go to the mammogram room. My lady was really awesome and wanted to find the perfect angle to look at some calcium deposits they had seen last year. Mammograms really aren't that bad. Go get one!
After looking at them, they came and told me that they needed to do a ultra sound to get a better look at a spot. They told me it was close to the spots from before but was new and they didn't like how it looked. So they looked at it for awhile. Then the doctor came in and said it didn't look good. He said it was small, and that I came in at the perfect time and it was a miracle that they could even find it. He praised the tech for her angle and that they saw it. But they needed to take a biopsy- right then.
So I stayed laying on the ultra sound table and 5 minutes later they did the biopsy. It hurt, but just a little. Soon I was told I could go home, to take it easy and that they would call me on Wednesday. My problem was their faces. Everyone in the mammogram office had a look on their face of "that poor girl has cancer". Some even were hugging me and telling me they were so sorry. I knew and my husband knew that they had indeed found cancer.
I wanted Rob to come (I am pretty sure I knew something was wrong, even though I didn't) It didn't take long to get in my pink gown and go to the mammogram room. My lady was really awesome and wanted to find the perfect angle to look at some calcium deposits they had seen last year. Mammograms really aren't that bad. Go get one!
After looking at them, they came and told me that they needed to do a ultra sound to get a better look at a spot. They told me it was close to the spots from before but was new and they didn't like how it looked. So they looked at it for awhile. Then the doctor came in and said it didn't look good. He said it was small, and that I came in at the perfect time and it was a miracle that they could even find it. He praised the tech for her angle and that they saw it. But they needed to take a biopsy- right then.
So I stayed laying on the ultra sound table and 5 minutes later they did the biopsy. It hurt, but just a little. Soon I was told I could go home, to take it easy and that they would call me on Wednesday. My problem was their faces. Everyone in the mammogram office had a look on their face of "that poor girl has cancer". Some even were hugging me and telling me they were so sorry. I knew and my husband knew that they had indeed found cancer.
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